Having gone through high school believing to have a sign around my head that was exclusively visible to the male species which read something like “stay away”, I always thought ‘relationships’ were for other people. Until recently. I have since come to realise that the sign I actually reads “Men only, no boys.” I’m quite glad about this one. Who wants to waste their time playing mum? They have their own mothers to look after them, why would they want another one? Additionally, I have realised the pleasure of being led. A man will lead, and so if I want a man, I in turn must be a woman. Pure- as God created her, a help meet, an Ebenezer, beautiful, strong, lovely but willing to be led. Not to take the lead, but to trust the man that his decisions will be the right ones- despite what I may think. (But to have the right discernment to woo a certain way).
In light of all this I have come to grips with the idea that it is okay to want a romantic relationship – as long as my worth is still grounded in God. God is still the one where my value lies, only that a man will be there to share life with in the physical. Marriage in turn is a picture, an image pf Christ and the church, of the unity the Godhead share. Of course no marriage is perfect as the aforementioned relationships are, but it is a picture of what can be. Thus, no romantic relationship should be persued without the goal of marriage.
Often I have found myself to be married to someone in my heart- another trap/vice we woman need to watch out for. “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life.” And this all too often has ended in disappointment, hurt and self doubt. Understandably then this precept of romantic relationships being for marriage poses many questions. For instance: why get married? What would be the point? Well, truth be told, marriage is a covenant, a promise, a commitment between a man, a woman and God to one another. It is an institution, a bond between these three parties. Naturally then, if one does not believe in God, or if one deliberately does not follow God; there is no point to marriage, for if one party is excluded from the covenant, the institution cannot exist.
Furthermore, dating for the sake of dating only leads to hearts being broken. Compromising situations. Hurtful decisions. With consequences. Why not commit to someone to do life with? This in mind then, what does one look for when getting to know others for the purpose of a life partner?
We live in a society where people get married because they ‘love’ each other. Believe it or not, all cultures do not exist this way, Arranged marriages are still widely accepted and practised around the world, but I will accept that ours is a culture of a love marriage. Although this notion is a relatively new one. So- what is love?
Hollywood would have us believe that love is at first sight, a feeling, love hearts, puppy dogs and sex. It is alarming how many couples share this most intimate exchange on their first date on the screen. Considering this act was reserved for the marriage, as it acts as the seal/glue between man and wife. The music industry tell us of hearts broken, or rollercoasters. Basically- this thing called love is reduced to a feeling. But can something so great as love really be summed up in something as fickle as a feeling? Somehow I find it difficult to think that Jesus would of stayed on that cross for feelings. Sure they may have played a part- but surely the thing that we all crave- summed up in love are not just feelings. Can a lifetime commitment be based on feelings? I would like to suggest that perhaps love is something much more. Love cannot be quenched by the hottest flames or quelled by the fiercest storm. Just something to consider... some food for thought...
