In Retrospect

Phew! Another Christmas is rolling around, it doesn't feel that long since i last wrote the Santa=Satan entry. But a whole year has passed, four seasons have been and gone, new seasons of House and Veronica Mars have screened and Kirsty Alley lost heaps of weight. Yes despite all this, I don't think that I could safely say that it was filled with great memories of sunny skies and meadow frolicking, it was more a year of rainy days, pining at the window with a sad song in the background. Perhaps I'm being pathetic- which I probably am, but looking it back, it seems that the disappointments overshadow the triumphs.

Easter camp 06 which is the highlight to most was probably one of the saddest of all. Now I don't know whether that is because I set up great expectations for it and those were then not returned, but it was lonely. It set the mark for the rest of the year. I had a couple of friends there, but no breath taking awe inspiring moments. When people were reveling at how awesome the worship was, all I could do was shrug and say 'sure.' I've always been a bit of a people pleaser, so how could I say that it sucked?! Never mind, the point is my supposed to be highlight was a total dud!

Youth group changed heaps too. Everybody just seemed to grow up too much. When once we would go door knocking or have picnics we would rather just 'hang' at somebody's house and do nothing. People's goals/visions have changed. It seems that focusing on school work and cars is more important than having a good laugh or singing a song. Once again though, perhaps I just set too high expectations, perhaps I'm too sentimental, perhaps I'm too immature, perhaps I'm just stuck in the old days.

At my end of year prize giving I received the Junior DUX, but it was met with disappointment, not from my family or my peers, but from me. I walked onto stage, and felt nothing. I felt empty. Like the whole entire year was a waste. Despite all the talks of changing the school and being strong for Jesus, nothing happened, despite my best intentions to be joyful and happy, nothing happened. Even the girly nights with 'friends' was empty. It just feels like the year gone has been empty.I can honestly say that my friendships have dwindled, my Jesus time has dwindled- taken over by commitments I made to help out at Church. And definitely no prospectus for a boyfriend, not that it matters at this stage for one.

What has happened? What will happen? I don't know what the future will bring. I do know however that Hillary Challenge is going to be a CHALLENGE! I do know that at school I will continue plowing through and probably sign up for way too many extra curricular activities, which is what I do. I'm a people pleaser. I'll probably let my friendships slip further and further away. I don't want to be clingy or needy, so I let people come and go as they wish, do what they want to do. Sometimes I'm a little demanding and set expectations- but I guess that's a defect of not trusting people.

I don't know what will happen next year, I just hope it wont be a repeat of this year. It is no use worrying about it, what will be will be. All I can do right now is to try to enjoy Christmas- even though it barely feels like it. God knows what will happen. He has a plan. Perhaps I should just trust? Easier said than done though.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Emoo

Whats up with the EMO FAD these days? Do people like to think that their lives suck and they just wanna die? If you think bout it.. Th peeps who are all into emoness would have been the dizzy blondes not that long ago.. Your life doesnt suck to th point of death.. There is SO much more and we're worth SO much more!! get a life guys! Unless you hung your self already..

Production...

I guess that because I havn't posted any thing in ages its about time that I do. Recently our school had a production, and I guess one of the main things that I learnt from that experience is that: With out dedication and effort the result will suck!! AKA: A half pie might as well be a rotten pie. Though its carzy to think of all the things we do half heartedly and think that whatever happens is the other persons fault. But arnt we worth so much more than that? Dont we think so much more of ourselves than to show case ourselves and make us look like asses? Mhmm.. somthing to think about huh.. I guess it also goes with the whole going an extra mile kinda thing

Aaa the Joys

It's crazy how easily we take things for granted. How we think that coffee and biscuits are an essential to life, when really it's a luxury, that having a car is an essential- what happened to a bus ride, walking or cycling? The luxurious things we have so often that we forget that they are luxuries, and lose focus on wht we really need. We can gain all there is to gain on this earth and in outer space, but never be truely rich. We will die and our memory will pass away, our collections eventually crumble to dust. What then was all that fretting worth? Worrying about what more we can obtain? We take clean water for granted but even more we take the need for spiritual water much more for granted. We don't appreciate our Spiritual needs, instead we abuse it and clog it with rubbish- substances that harm and eventually destroy. Much the same way we do with our lives, fill it with rubbish that lead us to spiral down into the darkest pit that no hope can be seen. Too often we take for granted the free GRACE that Jesus gave us. Too often we slander His name, take His life for granted. If a painting is put on display does that mean that the artist doesnt exist?
So with His creation- us He proves himself. He has loving arms that are just wanting to embrace us! How much longer should we take Him for granted? Are we really going to be so foolish and ignore an amazing love until it's too late? Are we going to take a Grace so pure for granted till we fade away ungortton, unloved?? We have a choice to an eternal life filled with love and joy, why instead choose death? We have a choice are we going to take that for granted as well?