No More Facade

My sixteenth birthday party was probably the prettiest thing that I have had in a while. Romantic candles set the scene, the aroma of coffee wafting through out the room and classic jazz playing softly in the background. Small round tables were filled with laughing and chattery people, discussing their weekends and joking around. And I felt comfortable, I was with people that I knew, that didn't judge me, that accepted my lame sense of humor, that loved me. I did not have to prove myself to them- I was just, Me.

Today catching up with a friend I was reminded of the relief of just being honest. The freedom it brings to just be truthful with oneself and others, to express emotions, despite having it out in the open. At my party I was with people that I knew I could be honest with, which is why it was such a beautiful evening. There was no facade that we so naturally put up. Hanging with my friend today she was honest I was honest. It was a sweet day.

I hope that I will be able to take off the mask everyday. Okay, I'm not so different with the mask on or with it off, but sometimes there are occasions when I wish I was different, or perhaps when I wish that I would swallow my pride and say something different- to be braver, to be more trusting, to be more into my God instead of wishing for a Prince. But all girls want a Prince. I hope that I'll be able to take off the mask when I want to keep it on the most. Jesus was honest with everybody and told them the straight hard up truth- I hope I'll be able to do that, be honest and truthful.

Truthful to others and also to my self. So often I would try to delude myself; to combat my feelings, my heart, as silly and cliche as it sounds. When I see that guy my heart starts beating faster and faster, although my body tells me that I like this person, but in my mind I would tell myself to stop being so ridiculous, not because he's better than me, but rather because my head tells me it is ridiculous for me to like people at the age that I am now. Logic is just silly, yet logic with out heart drives people to evil. And heart with out logic is pure compulsion and lust; it is to set oneself up to utter heartbreak and desolation.. so where is the middle ground?

To be honest wiht oneself and others is a virtue. Hopefully I'll be able to learn to do this with the help from those that love me and those whom I love. Jesus will be my Saviour, he knows my heart, he will sort it out.