In Retrospect

Phew! Another Christmas is rolling around, it doesn't feel that long since i last wrote the Santa=Satan entry. But a whole year has passed, four seasons have been and gone, new seasons of House and Veronica Mars have screened and Kirsty Alley lost heaps of weight. Yes despite all this, I don't think that I could safely say that it was filled with great memories of sunny skies and meadow frolicking, it was more a year of rainy days, pining at the window with a sad song in the background. Perhaps I'm being pathetic- which I probably am, but looking it back, it seems that the disappointments overshadow the triumphs.

Easter camp 06 which is the highlight to most was probably one of the saddest of all. Now I don't know whether that is because I set up great expectations for it and those were then not returned, but it was lonely. It set the mark for the rest of the year. I had a couple of friends there, but no breath taking awe inspiring moments. When people were reveling at how awesome the worship was, all I could do was shrug and say 'sure.' I've always been a bit of a people pleaser, so how could I say that it sucked?! Never mind, the point is my supposed to be highlight was a total dud!

Youth group changed heaps too. Everybody just seemed to grow up too much. When once we would go door knocking or have picnics we would rather just 'hang' at somebody's house and do nothing. People's goals/visions have changed. It seems that focusing on school work and cars is more important than having a good laugh or singing a song. Once again though, perhaps I just set too high expectations, perhaps I'm too sentimental, perhaps I'm too immature, perhaps I'm just stuck in the old days.

At my end of year prize giving I received the Junior DUX, but it was met with disappointment, not from my family or my peers, but from me. I walked onto stage, and felt nothing. I felt empty. Like the whole entire year was a waste. Despite all the talks of changing the school and being strong for Jesus, nothing happened, despite my best intentions to be joyful and happy, nothing happened. Even the girly nights with 'friends' was empty. It just feels like the year gone has been empty.I can honestly say that my friendships have dwindled, my Jesus time has dwindled- taken over by commitments I made to help out at Church. And definitely no prospectus for a boyfriend, not that it matters at this stage for one.

What has happened? What will happen? I don't know what the future will bring. I do know however that Hillary Challenge is going to be a CHALLENGE! I do know that at school I will continue plowing through and probably sign up for way too many extra curricular activities, which is what I do. I'm a people pleaser. I'll probably let my friendships slip further and further away. I don't want to be clingy or needy, so I let people come and go as they wish, do what they want to do. Sometimes I'm a little demanding and set expectations- but I guess that's a defect of not trusting people.

I don't know what will happen next year, I just hope it wont be a repeat of this year. It is no use worrying about it, what will be will be. All I can do right now is to try to enjoy Christmas- even though it barely feels like it. God knows what will happen. He has a plan. Perhaps I should just trust? Easier said than done though.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Emoo

Whats up with the EMO FAD these days? Do people like to think that their lives suck and they just wanna die? If you think bout it.. Th peeps who are all into emoness would have been the dizzy blondes not that long ago.. Your life doesnt suck to th point of death.. There is SO much more and we're worth SO much more!! get a life guys! Unless you hung your self already..

Production...

I guess that because I havn't posted any thing in ages its about time that I do. Recently our school had a production, and I guess one of the main things that I learnt from that experience is that: With out dedication and effort the result will suck!! AKA: A half pie might as well be a rotten pie. Though its carzy to think of all the things we do half heartedly and think that whatever happens is the other persons fault. But arnt we worth so much more than that? Dont we think so much more of ourselves than to show case ourselves and make us look like asses? Mhmm.. somthing to think about huh.. I guess it also goes with the whole going an extra mile kinda thing

Aaa the Joys

It's crazy how easily we take things for granted. How we think that coffee and biscuits are an essential to life, when really it's a luxury, that having a car is an essential- what happened to a bus ride, walking or cycling? The luxurious things we have so often that we forget that they are luxuries, and lose focus on wht we really need. We can gain all there is to gain on this earth and in outer space, but never be truely rich. We will die and our memory will pass away, our collections eventually crumble to dust. What then was all that fretting worth? Worrying about what more we can obtain? We take clean water for granted but even more we take the need for spiritual water much more for granted. We don't appreciate our Spiritual needs, instead we abuse it and clog it with rubbish- substances that harm and eventually destroy. Much the same way we do with our lives, fill it with rubbish that lead us to spiral down into the darkest pit that no hope can be seen. Too often we take for granted the free GRACE that Jesus gave us. Too often we slander His name, take His life for granted. If a painting is put on display does that mean that the artist doesnt exist?
So with His creation- us He proves himself. He has loving arms that are just wanting to embrace us! How much longer should we take Him for granted? Are we really going to be so foolish and ignore an amazing love until it's too late? Are we going to take a Grace so pure for granted till we fade away ungortton, unloved?? We have a choice to an eternal life filled with love and joy, why instead choose death? We have a choice are we going to take that for granted as well?

Time flies

Whoa, how time flies!! Been real busy with school and EXTREMELY FRIDAY!! Today in my email I got the coolest message from Not Ashamed Youth. It totally inspired to step out in faith and stuff, here it is.

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Psalm 57:10

I was sitting in my office one night on dusk looking out of my window and there was this beautiful rainbow, incredible rainbow, so vivid, right in front of me. I could only see the arch going up, I couldn't see where it was going, I tried to look, I tried to find it but I couldn't see the rest of the rainbow.

The colours were just so intense and vibrant and then as I watched, at that moment the colour of the sky turned to the most radiant pink glow, it was absolutely incredible. As I sat there gazing out at this beautiful sight the thought came into my mind of God's promise, Gods promise to us (Genesis chapter 9). Sometimes God lays things on our hearts, His word, it may be a dream, it may be a plan for our lives and like the rainbow, I couldn't see where the rainbow was going, where it ended up but that sense of God just saying here is my promise, step out in faith, follow that, you don't need to know where it is going, where you will end up, you just need to trust in Me, My Word and My promise, for I am faithful.

That is true faith, trusting in the unseen, trusting when you can only see a glimpse of the rainbow, not knowing where Gods promise, Gods dream, Gods plan for your life will take you but just trusting in Him. What is God laying on your heart? What is God laying on your heart and saying “trust Me, step out and trust Me”? You may have no idea where it will take you and where you will end up but as you walk through this week be asking the questions, "God what are you wanting me to step out in?” “What are you laying on my heart to trust You in?” And, “what are the plans You have for my life?”

Bless ya heaps.

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Psalm 57:10

Hope that will inspire you as much as it did me! Yea, i think that sometimes we just totally forget that, we forget that God is there and actively working!! Its amazing when you actually think about it, Bout God, and how much he LOVES us, how active He is in our lives with out us ever realising, and how much He wants to get to KNOW us!! Yea, I guess i cant comprehend the full extent of His amazing and gracious love!!

No hair!

I had a crazee dream the other night; what happened, was that I found out I had cancer and I lost all my hair and stuff but the scary bit about it, was the realisation how vain we as humans are concering our hair! I mean, think about we hold so much tribute to our hair! When a girl goes to a ball the first thing we think about is how are we going to have our hair? Our hair style could make or break an outfit! Its that important! So I guess, we should have a lot of sympathy and epathy to those who lose their hair due to cancer or whatever diseases cause hair loss. We may never truely understand what tehy go through. We take our locks for granted but think so highly bout them.. makes you think huh?

Princess

Princess: Psalm 45

10 "Listen O daughter, consider and give ear;
forget your people and your father's house.
11 The King is enthralled by your beauty;
honor him for he is you Lord.
12 The daughter of Tyre will come with a gift
and men of great wealth will seek your favour.
13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
her gown is interwoven with gold.
14 In embroidered garments she is lead to the King;
her virgin companions follow her
and are brought to you.
15 They are lead with joy and gladness;
they enter the palace of the King."

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vs 10: God is talking DIRECTLY to us! We should think about what He is saying and really listen and obey. Forget what our friends think about us and not worry bout our parents or leaving them because God will take care of them.

vs 11: God is the KING and is in AWE of our beauty! We don't have to go on crazy diet programmes or wear tonnes of make-up because we are already far more beautiful than anyother. God thinks we are beautiful and amazing so therefore we should respect and obey Him. We are to put Jesus first.

vs 12: A promise that we will recieve GIFTS and BLESSINGS. We are not inadequate because Jesus is generous. Guys who are worthy of our attention will seek us, try to please us. "Dont settle for less than God's best."

vs 13: The Princess's chamber; her secret place is her purity, her virginity. It shines through her, and glorifies her. In the same way our thoughts and actions should be pure and it will shine through us. Purity sits on her like a gown interwoven with gold, so our purity- thoughts and actions should be.

vs 14: God will give us what we need and it will be beautiful. His garments He has given us is the SALVATION of Jesus, we too can wear the garments of perfection! This verse also talks about our friends. They follow the same purity and are filled with the same beauty. "Birds of a feather flock together" and together we can lead each
other on our Christian walks.

vs 15: Our purity, assurance of Salvation and purpose aswell as our daily living will bring us joy and gladness. We will be FILLED with it! Because we know Jesus we may
enter the palace of the King; which is HEAVEN! To enter the King's palace is also to enter His presence. What a joy it was; it says they did this gladly! and it made them glad; it was not a burden.

So to all you girls out there: you are ALL PRINCESS'S!! The King is enthralled by your beauty, so never feel fat or worthless ever again! Know that you are LOVED by a magnificent, powerful and glorious KING! He wants to get to know YOU. Just let Him, you deserve better than what you are living for at the moment!

Walk Away

Today I got really angry at my brother for not wanting to do anything with me. I got angry I guess because I was bored and really wanted to do something with him, but he just kept saying that I should do it by myself blah blah blah. So in my frustration i stormed away from home and went on a really long good walk ( what I wanted to do in the beginning) Ironic isnt it?
Sometimes what we really want to do isnt what we thought we wanted to do.. LIke i thought I wanted to go for a walk, but really i just wanted to spend some time with my Brother..When I came back from My walk i felt totaly refreshed, but i also felt guilty that I had called my brother names and stuff.. LAter on in the afternoon we went for a drive though ( I got my quality time after all:D)
God is good like that, I tlaked to him whilst I was angry and He knew the desires of my heart and sorted them out in the end.. YAY

Beauty

Thats true beauty for ya!! And totally natural!

Beauty Secrets- Audrey Hepburn

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness...
For lovely eyes, seekout the good in people.
For a slim figure , share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone... People,
even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

What gets us angry?

What gets you guys angry? Do we get angry when there is a beggar and everyone walks past doing nothing? Do we get angry when someone hurts someone else? Guys its totally time we got angry at the injustices in the world!(Im not talking bout all our own wants and stuff like its totally unfair that balh blah blah has a horse and i dont :s) As New Zealanders we are way too complacent with what we have. We live in a luxury that half of the rest of the world cant even comprehend! Funnily, our peaceful and luxurious circumstances wont stay this way for long! its time we got angry bout all the crap thats happening and do something bout it!! God is angry, so we should be too!!

Easta Camp

I was lucky enough to go to an amazing God filled camp over the Easter Weekend. The weekend totally opened me up to the realtiy and power of Jesus' death and ressurection. I know that God worked amzing things that weekend just as I am sure that He used it to bring up hurts that were hidden within people. Hurts that you wouldnt think existed. But one night my friend and i got talking and they just totally revealed to me some of their hurts that i never imagined they had. It was like a mask that was finally taken off, and just gave such a huge insight into someone. It just made me realise how often we judge someone and think we know all bout them when really, we know nothing!! The same goes to God, where we think we're sweet but actually there is a whole nother story underlying it. Fact is that talk with my mate i think brought us heaps closer to each other, stuff that only total honesty could make. Why dont we stop judging other people and just start fully appreciating people and always yearn to get to know them more? Yea, I feel like a total hypocrite saying that but yea..

Holidays rocked

Whangamata activities included writing in the sand.. it was so grand :)

Catch Up

Whoa I spose there is so much to catch up on.. there really is...
During the Summer Break, I managed to go to Whangamata twice! it was totally awesome! The first time i was there my brother and I tagged along with an Auckland Youthgroup on their beach mission.. It was an amazing life building experience.. I learned so much 'bout God that i think will prepare me for the year maybe even the YEARS ahead! It was mostly stuff bout stepping out of my comfort zones, praying hard out, worshiping hard out and fully doing His will. We walked around in teams talking to people, most if not all drunk and/or stoned.. On the first night we talked to some guys who were all like satanic death metal wannabe's who were only talking to us because they wanted to prove us wrong- our faith in Jesus- but by the time we had finished talking to them i felt like we had gotten through to them and we prayed and stuff.. it was TOTALLY amazing! I also met some fantastic people- big HELLO'S to Lisa and Joy btw! Who all encouraged me so much!
The second time i went there i was with my friend Monique, and by the time we were there the whole towns atmosphere had changed and it was also all together a different experience-alot more relaxed and fattening.. lol.. i learned heaps bout my friend and yea totally enjoyed her time and company. Although we did manage to get WAY too sunburntwhich was totally fun.. how often do u honestly get to wear a bikini at the beach? like its kinda too ew to wear a bikini infront of your family.. it was absolutely fantastic! o! and of course the many camps i went to to help out- one included the awesomest food fight that caused me to get marmite ALL over my face, flavoured sour cream all in my hair and clothes and a fair spread of peanut butter, yupp i smelt pretty bad after wards!
My holidays were pretty fun! They went too fast for my liking even though they were 2 months!! YAY.. and back to school- so unfortunate, but getting back in tune is all good i spose-even though atmosphere sucks.. lol.. and aargh its challenging.. but yea.. i think everything will be all good.. because God is good and friends are good and in general life is good im sure :)

CAMP!!

HEy totally excited coz camp is gonna be like tomorrow!! However i dunno whether i am mentally prepared for the whole camper thing.. i love them i really do.. but they are emotionally draining, I guess we can only but trust in the Spirit to help us out with that-filling us up with Him again every morning! Thats something i learnt whilst on holiday. i met these guys from a Fusion Youthgroup and theyr like totally awesome into God and stuff.. totally encouraging and awesome! Met awesome people there that i kno will like always be mates, and teh encouragement they gave me!! it was rad! So a BIG sdhout out to you guys!! Lundi